going "home"

I feel like I've been gone for a very long time when...

- when I am nervous about driving on the US freeways, for I don't know if I will remember all the rules of the road


- when I'm nervous about speaking in front of large groups of people, when I used to do it without any hesitation (something about becoming like the culture where you are living)


-when I'm unsure about how I'll feel about the US culture, and hesitant in advance knowing I will confront materialism at its best, insensitivity and shallowness, but need to be extra-sensitive in return and understanding with compassion.


-when I want to bring food from Cusco with me to the US, because they are comforts for me now, whereas before I would crave only food from "back home"


-when I consider my real "back home" to be Peru 


-when I know I will be culture-shocked by the busy lifestyle and maybe won't want to go so fast


-when I prefer to not use the telephone, as I don't even use my cell phone here and I can't even remember the last time I used it.


- when I know I will be overwhelmed by the mass amount of choices at the supermarket and I just may stare for a very long time.


-when I can't wait to use a dishwasher and clothes dryer again


-when I am surprised by most beautiful sidewalks in the US that no one uses


-when 9pm is super late, and 6am isn't all that early, as in Cusco life and business begins easily at 5am


- when I am awoken at night by the silence, since I have become accustomed to the dogs barking, trucks clamoring by, and guards whistling at night


-when I am shocked and dismayed at the rat-packing that has become so normal in the US, with garages that don't fit a vehicle and enormous refrigerators with food that will go uneaten. Most of our friends in Cusco don't even own a refrigerator.


-when I am thrilled to take a real hot shower and maybe even a bath! How many years has it been... I can't even remember


-when I thoroughly expect to be greeted with a kiss!


.....and so much more..... makes me realize how long I have been away from my country. There are things I do not miss, and other things I am grateful for, and still others that I am thoroughly looking forward to.