I admit it. I've been neglecting my blog. First off, I doubt the number of people who actually read it, thus see it as futile and maybe a waste of my precious time. Secondly, I have been feeling strange about social media lately, and feeling myself wanting to withdraw from it. I still post on fb things about our daily life, family or other random things, but it's just a social tool, a way to keep in touch. I don't use it for ministry or ministry updates usually. It's maybe an outlet that is a way to have some sort of normalcy in my life, something that isn't ministry... for once.
There was a time, before I left for the "missions" field, when I read Christian living books day and night. I had everything from experiencing God devotionals to Dietrich Bonhoeffer and books from the mystics. But as I actually went out, left home and "became" a missionary, my life was inundated with the problems and struggles of this broken world, I'd meet with women who were abused physically, sexually, emotionally. I'd talk with people about real life problems and as a result, I would pray for them non-stop, think about them day and night. I started dreaming about them and their issues. As I poured out spiritually, I felt myself getting dry. I yearned for someone to pour into me. My relationship with God was so beautiful because as I hung on by a thread sometimes, I'd realize daily that He was lifting me up and who poured into me so that I had something to pour out. I stopped reading Christian living books. Books that were someone else's experience with God on paper and started living my own experience with Him. I started needing a place to go to get my mind off of things as my heart would get too heavy to hold. Books with a simple story, a drama, mystery or love-story were so much more fitting for that time in my life. I read through things like the chronicles of narnia, the lord of the rings and anything else I could get my hands on in English.
I also enjoyed using social media as an outlet to talk of the superficial things of life. Not that I think photos of my kids are superficial, on the contrary, they are the ones who light up my life with joy! They are the ones in this moment that God is using to teach me, mold me and make me into the person, mother, friend, sister I was always meant to be.
Now that we live in Chile, my ministry looks different. My family is my main ministry. They are the ones I need to pour into and honestly, its just as hard as the ministry I had in Cusco. But I started reading deeper books again. and I kindof miss dealing with super hard issues of life and poverty face to face like I did in Cusco. There is a different sort of spiritual poverty here. I'm still learning what that looks like. When we arrived to Chile a year ago ( I can't believe it's already been a year!) I started feeling a heavy burden. My heart feels heavy for the Christians or so-called believers. I think Chile has seen spiritual renewal over the years and is at a point of apathy. This is something I am praying about and discovering how we can be used in ministry. A new chapter has begun and I'm feeling renewed. I might start writing again.