midnight musings

I can't believe we've been in our new house for a year already! Yesterday I posted photos of our street and I'd like to get some better pics so you can see our home and where we are living here in Chile! This year has been crazy in so many ways.

I feel like questions for God keep getting raised and some answers seem to come slowly. But God is not slack and His timing is perfect. That said, I am still waiting diligently for answers. Why this, why that. I feel like a three year old, like Milan, who asks me why questions all day long. Since we left Cusco due to the corneal erosions, cornea hypoxy and the discomfort, the pain... it was such a relief physically to leave. But emotionally it's been hard. I do love Chile though and I'm getting used to being here. I still feel like I need to find my niche, my place, as a person, a believer, a missionary.

So the questions I have for God. If He allowed my illness to happen and we left Cusco, then why are we losing financial support left and right? Churches are dropping our support, individuals are going through financial hardships themselves, others drop without notifying. I feel like in our newsletters I dont have anything to say except, we need support!!! I really dislike fundraising. Ironically, we've been told that we're pretty darn good at it. I don't feel like that now. God prepared us and given us exactly what we needed during that last season in our lives, in Cusco. And now, I feel another chapter is opening. The pages are being written, but I don't know the end of the chapter, and I wish I did.

For me, it's hard to let go while at the same time I yearn for the future.  I trust God with our foster children, the church in Cusco. I know that He loves them and is caring for them spiritually. I can let go. And as for the future, I want to see our ministry flourish but I know it's not going to be the same ministry as in Peru. I also yearn for a simpler way of life. I love simplicity and the joy of family and the love that we share.

I want to be a peacemaker. To live my life humbly and simply. To enjoy what God has blessed us with. To support and minister to Ricky, my kids, and others who I call friends.

We don't need the support of others to continue doing God's will. Regardless of what monetary means we have, our life and calling are sure. Whether we are in a ministry spotlight or serving day by day in the quietness of our lives, I know we desire to be pleasing to the One who matters.

With open hands I hold our ministry, life, marriage, children, and all that we love. The beauty of life is that it is so fragile and the essence of ministry is that is is an outpouring of life. What a sweet fragrance God's creation is to the Creator when creation completes it purpose of being what it was created for, nothing more and nothing less. The tree glorifies God as it sways in the wind, the lizard as it warms itself on a rock, and mankind as it cares for all that it was given charge of, with humility, love and peace. If it is so simple as that, what is the ultimate purpose of man? And if it is to glorify God, then why does man's mind complicates things so much, to an intense web of lies, desires, goals, stress... and ultimately captivity. I do not want to be captive of anything other that the heart of my Maker and of my husband and children.

....the end